I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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