well you can't waste a boner
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
