he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
