Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
