It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
