Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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