no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
