A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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