It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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