Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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