either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
organizing the empties. That sober.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
