I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
