the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
