youre lurking in front of me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my liver is dry heaving
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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