I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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