i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
