$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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