3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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