I bet he comes in French.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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