so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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