So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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