I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
