I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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