I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
