Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
