Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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