it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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