I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
