No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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