I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
