Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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