I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
