Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
