There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
