lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
