i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
