Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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