you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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