my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
