Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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