Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
