i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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