he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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