Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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