you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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