she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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