You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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