speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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