I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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