she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
