The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
