I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
