shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
