yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
