Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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