Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
