Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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