you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
