Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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