Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
