Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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