I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
