Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
