your room smells of hookers.
And success
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
