Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
